Twenty Questions
by schye
Summary: [DMHG] Slytherins and crazy questions equals Gryffindors and silly answers. One shot.


Disclaimer: Not mine.

TWENTY QUESTIONS

An owl swooped down the Gryffindor, landed in front of Harry and held its foot up to reveal a note.

"This is Malfoy's eagle owl," said Hermione.

Slowly, Harry took the note.

_Astronomy Tower. 7:00 p.m. You know whom to bring._

_D.M._

__

Hermione threw Harry a look.

It was seventh year and the war against Voldemort was over. Malfoy and the rest of his little Slytherin friends figured that if they were going to have to have a side in the war, they would have to be on the _winning _one.

They were all wary of his group at first, but like Snape, they proved to be worthy of their trust. Although that didn't mean they were anywhere being friends. On the contrary, the rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin grew worse.

The Slytherins probably had a complex that compelled them to think that switching sides does not necessarily mean that they have to _actually _change. Instead, the more they proved that there was really nothing to change in their behavior—just who they were rooting for in the war.

The war lost them quite a few good people but it was over now. It was time to start living their lives the way they should've even before. Voldemort was defeated.

And now, the wager… Harry, Ron and Neville Longbottom were having a conversation one day that Malfoy and his sidekicks managed to overhear. On impulse, the boys (with the exception of Neville) made a bet—yes, boys—with the Slytherins. If they were anything other than boys, they would have thought before they acted. Too bad she was somewhere else when this happened. She could have prevented it.

They bet that the Hufflepuffs will lose to the Ravenclaws and that the latter House will be competing against Gryffindor and, hence shall be beaten by their house. How very arrogant of them, she had thought when she heard about this.

The Slytherins took on the bet. Wagering that the Hufflepuffs will be winning.

Hermione could just imagine Ron and Harry snorting at that.

"I don't think I like what's going to happen later," Ron had to say.

"No," agreed Harry. "They're Slytherins after all."

"I wish you hadn't dragged my name and Parvati's in your stupid wager," she said instead of going on a lengthy lecture of the cons of their rash actions.

"But we needed two more people to complete the group."

"And so automatically you thought of me who by the way hasn't got all that much knowledge about Quidditch."

Harry looked uncomfortable and Hermione knew there was something that they weren't telling her.

"What is it?" she asked, eyes narrowed at the two of them.

"Actually, Malfoy wanted to have you with us."

"And you want me to believe that crap?" she raised a brow at them. "Come on. Malfoy does not need me to be in your silly game. He knows I have better things to do. He is, after all, Head Boy."

"But really he did," said Ron. "I remember choking on air when he said that. His reason was to have the Gryff-keteers---his term not mine---complete."

She looked at them skeptically. "Fine. If I must."

* * *

Hermione Granger sighed and her eyes surveyed the Slytherins who were in on the bet.

Blaise Zabini was smirking mockingly at them, eyeing Parvati on their side lasciviously. Gregory Goyle looked as blank as always and was sitting next to Vincent Crabbe, who was struggling with a piece of parchment that she could only guess was homework. Pansy Parkinson had a smug look on her face. But what caught her attention most of all was Draco Malfoy. He was just staring, as if assessing their group and doing nothing else.

She really did not feel good about this.

"Malfoy," she said. "I have a lot of things to accomplish and I'd really appreciate it if you speed whatever it is that you're planning up."

"Testy, aren't we, Granger?" Malfoy drawled lazily.

"Just tell us what you want, Malfoy," Ron bit out. "Like Hermione here, we have loads of better things to do than stare at you lot."

Pansy leaned forward. "Twenty questions."

Parvati's brows met. "Each of us answers all twenty of them?"

"Yes."

"You aren't touching sensitive grounds, are you?" Neville asked, fidgeting a little.

"We'll see," said Blaise in a malicious tone. It sounded suspiciously like Neville just gave him ideas.

Gathering his courage, Harry then said, "Well, let's get on with it."

"Among the people here," Pansy started, "who will you be willing to kiss?"

Harry looked at his companions. They looked thoughtful and he saw their eyes wandering. He knew that he was never going to have to choose Pansy. She was too… Slytherin-y for his tastes.

"Hermione," he said.

Ron answered the same, only louder.

Hermione blushed.

Neville looked reluctant that Crabbe said, "Remember, our rules."

He heaved a huge breath. "Parvati."

"Oh, that's sweet Neville," she gushed. "But…I'd rather kiss Harry."

"Love trian—" Draco paused in mid-sentence and made a finger trace the air in an imaginary figure that matched the Gryffindors with each other. After some time, he gave up saying, "Heck! You Gryffindors haven't got bloody relationships to flaunt. All you've got are unrequited, silly love polygons that don't even make sense!"

"That's all right, Draco," said Goyle consolingly, patting his friend on the back.

Right that moment, Hermione felt grateful for the interruption. Maybe, just maybe, they won't notice that she hasn't answered yet.

But then it was academic. Malfoy just had to jerk his head at her direction. "Granger."

"Malfoy," she muttered with much vehemence.

He raised his brows at her in question. "What is it?"

She kept silent. _Why of all people did—ugh! I hope no one figures out..._

"Wait!" Pansy squealed, genuine delight in her face. "I think Granger just answered the question!"

_Scratch that._

Nine pairs of eyes focused on her; no matter which side she looked at everyone looked incredulous. Although, she must say, that Crabbe and Goyle didn't look all that much different from before.

"What?" she asked in her defense. "Malfoy is rather good looking and…I've never really thought of kissing my best friends."

Recovered fully, Draco asked this time. "Why do you want to kiss me?"

"Are you forgetting that we are playing here? And since you asked that, we all have to answer," said Harry.

"So?"

Hermione's eyes widened. "Oh my god. I am so sorry. I didn't realise—"

"What's done is done," said Harry and he had to wonder if he sounded as martyred as he thought he did to his own ears.

"I'll answer first," Neville volunteered. "Malfoy if I really wanted to kiss you, it'd be because I'm afraid of you and you asked me to do it."

"You're just jealous of Draco," said Crabbe, coming into quick defense of Draco. "You haven't got hordes"--despite her current dilemma, Hermione wondered where Crabbe learned such an excellent word--"upon hordes of female admirers."

Malfoy paid the conversation no heed. "Granger."

Heaving another huge breath, she replied, "It's just because…" she paused. "Malfoy poses something different from what I used to know—from what I'm used to," she amended.

"I'd be kissing Malfoy because he's rich," Parvati put in, sensing the tension.

"You _would_," said Pansy.

Parvati ignored the insult.

"I'm going to kiss Malfoy because…." Ron paused for a long moment, apparently thinking of an answer. "I'm gay."

Silence.

Then they all blinked at Ron.

Ron realized his mistake. "I meant, _if _I were gay."

"Oh."

It was Harry's turn to answer. "I'd want to kiss Malfoy because…he's…Malfoy…?"

"Is that an answer?" Goyle asked. "It sounded more like a question."

"That's my answer," Harry said more firmly.

"How different am I?" Obviously, Malfoy still did not have a good grasp of the mechanics of their game.

Hermione looked helplessly at her friends, but even they seemed to want to know hard as they tried to conceal it from their faces. "I don't know really. Maybe it's just that you happen to be snide always and you're smart and good looking and… I don't know…the patented smirk?"

"Well, at least we know that you don't happen to think Potter nor Weasley is smart," commented Blaise after a lengthy pause at her answer.

"Hey!" protested Ron. Then, "Malfoy is different because he turned into a ferret once," he snickered.

Malfoy didn't have anything to say to that. He just continued to stare at Hermione, successfully making her feel uncomfortable.

"Malfoy is different in such a way that he's a Slytherin—and all of you are, too—and we aren't," said Harry.

Neville answered this way, "He looks like he never gets a sunburn."

There was a thoughtful pause at this from everyone as they looked at Malfoy's pale complexion.

Parvati said, "Er…his surname's Malfoy and I'm a Patil."

Shaking her head, Pansy said, "My turn. And no, Draco, you've used up quite a number of our questions already…Let's see…Oh, okay. Listen up. How do you view Snape in a romantic way?"

Harry very nearly gagged, Hermione noted.

"Romantic conquests are beyond me. Romantic is Snape anything but." he said weakly.

"Right," seconded Ron.

"You don't _have _romantic conquests," Blaise told Harry casually. "If you did, it'd be news all over the school."

"He won't be a very comfortable life-partner," said Neville.

"Snape looks a bit…slimy. I don't go for slimy," said Parvati.

Hermione thought about this, then said, "Snape is smart. I like smart," she heard a gargle at this but she couldn't be sure who it was from, "but Snape is a teacher. Teachers are a big no-no for me."

"My turn," said Blaise next. "Hmmm…what do you Gryffindor lot wear beneath your robes?"

This question received blank stares from the Gryffindors.

"You know, under the robes?"

"School uniform…" Neville, Parvati and Harry said more or less together.

"I don't get it," said Ron with a baffled expression on his face.

"Well," Hermione retorted with a huffy expression, "what do _you _wear under your robes?"

"We ask the questions Granger. But since you've provided us with so much entertainment, I'll humor you. Goyle, here, is naked beneath his robes today."

There was a collective groan from nearly those in the room.

"You just _had_ to remind us, Zabini," moaned Pansy. "I am never going to fall asleep tonight."

"Well the Gryffindors were so…bland. Typical."

"That doesn't mean you have to torture us all, you know," said Malfoy, wincing a little.

Goyle, oblivious to the subject, opted to ask next, sensing, as his Slytherin friends were not up to asking any question at the moment. "When did you all learn how to read?"

Hermione frowned. "I don't know. Four?" 

"And this is significant to you because…?" Ron asked. "But five. I was five when I learned how to read."

Harry looked thoughtful for a moment. "I think I was five or six. Yeah. Somewhere along that timeline."

"Four," said Parvati.

"Five," Neville said.

"I learned to differentiate the letters from each other when I was three," Goyle volunteered the information.

The Gryffindors looked mildly impressed but more so incredulous.

"But I only learned how to read when I was eight."

Their faces fell. Figures.

Crabbe was next. "What is a four letter word synonymous to lecherous?" he asked once he looked up from his parchment.

Hermione answered with a quick, "Lewd."

The rest of the Gryffindors shrugged and chorused, "Lewd."

"Okay. Thanks. Oh, here's another one. What happens if you get half scared to death twice?"

There was a confounding silence while they chewed on Crabbe's question.

"You…die?"

"That seems to be the right answer if you do the question mathematically…"

"You remain alive."

Silence from Harry and Hermione.

"This is stupid," said Blaise. "I get to ask the question again. What compels some people to be pediophilics?"

"Don't you mean pedophilic?" Harry asked.

"No. Pediophilic. It's kind of a new word. Pediophilics are people aroused with dolls." 

Pansy shot Blaise a disgusted look. "Where do you get this sort of junk?"

"I read stuff," he answered simply. "So? And let me remind you that you all need to give me answers no matter how far-fetched they may be."

Ron, with a frown, said, "_If _there were people like that, then they're complete psychotics, which would explain their behavior…"

"Good," Blaise said, satisfied. "Next?"

"People who are like that seek attention," said Harry.

"Oh, just like you then?" Malfoy sneered. "I didn't think you'd actually succumb to that urge to confess, Potter."

"Funny, Malfoy, funny," said Harry, deadpan.

To ease the tension, Hermione answered to divert their attention. "Trauma is a good reason why people act funny."

"That or they're just plain weird," said Parvati.

"It's their…fate?" Neville said.

"Pathetic Gryffindors," Blaise said under his breath.

Crabbe chose his words carefully for his next question. "Do birds in the south fly north when its winter or they fly farther south?"

Ron frowned. "Are those the only choices we have? Well, if that's the case, then I must say that they probably go farther south…"

"I beg to disagree," said Neville. "I happen to think that they migrate somewhere else. Probably to the west or the east but definitely not north."

Parvati said, "Well, they probably just stay there."

Harry looked helplessly at Hermione as he replied, "There might be a chance that they could migrate somewhere else."

"Well, I am no expert in ornithology nor do I know a lot about bird migration, but I think that birds just happen to stay in the south because it's warmer there. Now, it's logical to say that birds in the south would go to the north when it's winter their time. So, I have to say that they just stay there until they're ready to move."

"Know it all," muttered Blaise, "You just have to flaunt that you know a lot, don't you?"

Pansy waved a hand at Blaise. "Just because you don't know the answer, doesn't mean you have to be sour about it. After all, she's always at the top of the class. I get to ask the next question." She stared at Zabini hard and long, and then let a small smile creep on her face. "Give me the three worst things you could say about Blaise Zabini."

The question earned her a frown from the subject.

Readily, Ron answered. "Well, for one, he's perverted. Two, he's pompous _and _cocky. Three, he has a very depraved mind."

Zabini had the gall to blush. "Oh, really. You shouldn't praise me. I know all that about me."

Ron stared at him.

"Let's see. He's…not too tall. He's…not overly smart. He's…not at all dark." This from Neville, who was hoping not to run into the bad sides of anyone.

"As Ron said, perverted, yeah, that's him. And he's probably someone who thinks with his arse. Zabini is also much too obscene," Harry said.

Hermione decided to answer next. "Blaise Zabini indeed has a corrupted mind. He is full of himself, as well. Furthermore, he's a Slytherin with bad tastes and bad habits. What more could top that?"

Parvati chose her words from the answers that the others have given. "Well, he's cocky. He's perverted and he's obscene."

Malfoy smirked at Blaise. "Well, the Gryffindors seem to think that you are particularly perverted. Do you have any idea why?"

Blaise narrowed his eyes at Malfoy. Turning to the Gryffindors, he said, "Well, what would you say about Malfoy that is good? One adjective would suffice. I know it will be hard for you. I share your grief."

Neville gulped before answering as Crabbe and Goyle turned menacing glares at him. "He's engaging…especially with words."

Malfoy gave him a satisfied look.

"Potter?" Blaise prompted. "What good have you to say about Malfoy?"

"He…could be…intelligent…" Harry struggled with the words even as he conceded.

Pansy and Blaise sniggered in his discomfort.

"Granger," they said at the same time.

"Clever," she answered simply.

Although dissatisfied with Hermione's answer, Blaise turned to Ron. "Weasel King?"

Ron flushed at Blaise's address. "He's Snape's golden boy," he replied through gritted teeth.

"I guess that would count as good for Weasley since he's failing Potions for his N.E.W.T.s," Pansy said with a smug look.

Parvati said that Malfoy was extremely good looking, which brought them to the next question asked by Malfoy, no less. "Will you accompany me to Hogsmeade this weekend?"

"No," came the chorus of four Gryffindors, Hermione included.

"Oh, I don't know," said Parvati with a slight blush. "I made a date with my twin sister to meet but I could cancel for you, you know."

Draco threw her a disgusted look. "Come off it, Patil. You know I wasn't talking to you."

"Well, I never," she huffed.

Malfoy was about to open his mouth once more, when Pansy held his hands to his back as Zabini started to gag Malfoy with his own kerchief. The Gryffindors watched in bemused silence as Malfoy tried to struggle between his two friends, who successfully managed to tie his hands behind him as well.

Crabbe seized the opportunity to ask another one of his intelligent questions. "Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?"

"Because then, cats wouldn't be any more good around the household," Ron answered quickly.

"Maybe it's because they haven't learned how to extract the flavor off of a mouse," said Hermione, looking uncertain at her own answer.

"Or, they couldn't find enough mice to make a whole brand of mice-flavored cat food," put in Harry.

Neville, in a slightly confused voice, said, "Well, it's probably because they couldn't find enough workers to start the new flavor."

Parvati remained silent, still annoyed at Malfoy for putting her off. Zabini gave her a look, which clearly told her that he wanted an answer. But she just raised her chin to him in a dare.

Zabini didn't push anymore. "So… have any of you set Longbottom up on a date?"

There was an uncertain pause from the Gryffindors at this as they looked at each other.

That was enough answer for Blaise. He sneered at them. "Not successful, are you?"

Neville bushed redder than Ron when Zabini said this.

Pansy encouraged Goyle to ask next. "Go on. I know you want to ask them something."

"Isn't Pansy just the most charming creature any of you have ever seen?" he asked with a pained expression on his face.

Blaise snorted. "I bet Parkinson promised you something or probably threatened you to say that."

"No. She isn't."

"What are you talking about?"

"Who are you kidding?"

Were the Gryffindors' answers. 

Malfoy then grunted, and they all watched in fascination as he broke free of the binds that held his hands together. As he removed his gag, Blaise began saying, "Hey, you shouldn't do that!" he protested. "We took specific pains to keep you quiet."

"What the bloody hell is stopping you from accepting my invitation?" Malfoy asked, sounding pissed off. Zabini's protest gone unnoticed.

"You're…a boy," Harry told him. "That is, if you haven't noticed, you really are. And I am, too."

"You're a Slytherin," said Neville.

Ron frowned at him. "You just happen to hate my very freckles."

"You told me you weren't talking to me!" cried Parvati, now confused.

"Hermione?" Malfoy asked, eyes focused on her alone.

She shook her head. "You don't reciprocate my feelings."

"Is that all the problem?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, aside from our gender being the same…you're a Slytherin as well and you've always hated me. Once, we were rivals…and…"

"Oh, you do go on and on, Potter," said Blaise. "It's a wonder your friends stand you."

"Malfoy, that is not just the problem. There are a lot of things that could—"

"I don't think Draco wants to hear you anymore, Weasley," cut in Pansy. "It's Granger he's actually talking to, just to let you know."

Ron growled at her.

"Well, yeah," said Parvati. "Does this mean you're inviting me?"

"I'm actually afraid of you," Neville ventured to say. "So, there really are a lot of problems between us…"

_This is all confusing, _Hermione thought. "I don't know," she said out loud. "But as of the moment, it's on top of my list of reasons."

Zabini took a good look at the parchment Crabbe was looking at, grabbed it from him, ignoring his friend's objection in the process, crumpled it and threw it out of a nearby window. Giving them all a satisfied smirk, he said, "What are the things that you valued from childhood that you still have now?"

Hermione wasn't sure but she could have sworn that there was a rather particular glint in his eyes when he said this but before she could answer, Parvati was already saying, "Well, I still have Padma."

Blaise frowned. "What's a 'Padma'?"

"My twin sister."

"Oh."

Hermione took the chance to answer next. "My mom and dad gave me a pen holder that is of the likeness of a tooth. I don't have it here because I don't exactly use pens here."

"I don't have any," said Harry.

"I have my grandmum," Neville told them, following suit of Parvati.

Ron blushed red as his hair as he said, "Well, I still have a pillow that I used when I was a kid."

The answer gave the Slytherins something to laugh about. Even as Zabini was rolling with his laughter, Draco asked, "What will make you believe me when I say that I also like you?"

"This is the last question," said Pansy, wiping the tears off her eyes. She hit Malfoy's shoulders. "Hey! You took the last question!"

She was ignored.

"You have to be a Gryffindor," Harry told him.

"Be less of a git," offered Ron.

"Oh, you don't have to do anything," gushed Parvati, holding her reddening cheeks. "I believe you now."

"You shouldn't scare people much," Neville said.

"Figure it out for yourself," was Hermione's vague answer.

"Okay, that's it," said Blaise, standing up from the floor and dusting his robes. "I now have enough to spread nasty half-truths about you lot."

Neville squeaked.

"Let's just go," Harry told his friends.

But before they completely left the Tower, Parvati called out, "About the first question. I've changed my mind. I like you now Malfoy. Are we still on about this weekend?"

"Stop it, Parvati," said Blaise. "Malfoy's not interested."

"Of all the foul, rotten…" she seethed.

"Hermione, Hogsmeade, then?"

Her back turned towards the Slytherins, she just waved, then smiled secretly as she walked away with her friends.

End (?)


End file.
